What does male-to-female hormone therapy do to your body and mind?

What does male-to-female hormone therapy do to your body and mind?

So, this is a fun question but no the easiest to answer because the effect of hormones is as unique as the person taking them. Yes, of course there are universal effects and limitations as to what they can do. But the way they work for you may not be the same as they did for me. Taking that into consideration, this is what should be expected.

Before I get into any of the typical physical changes, it is very important to know that estrogen ain't some genie in a bottle. It's not going to make you physically much different than how you would be now if you were born with female biology. Also, it takes A LONG time to actually see any changes in your physical appearance. For me, it was like 8 months before I could look in the mirror and see, plain as day, that my body was changing.

So, if you do transition please be aware that nothing (literally NOTHING) will happen for what seems like an eternity. And when the changes do start happening, they occurr at such a slow pace that you will start thinking that it must not be working or you're doing it wrong. Trust me, it happens to all of us. So just be realistic and try not to go insane everyday wondering what the fracking holdup is. Now, the changes you will see over time are things like softer skin, softer/finer hair, decrease in body hair growth, your face will start to change, your muscle mass will slowly start to melt away, your fingernails will start to thin, you may see some regrowth of hair (head), your voice, unless you work with a voice coach, will not change much, you will very slowly start to develop breast tissue, your nipples will puff and become sensitive, your guy downstairs will probably start to work different as to what you're used to, you will notice your testes will start to disappear, your feet may shrink and your butt may start to take on weight. Now, like I said, you should assume all this will happen but in reality only a few may become noticeable.

There are quite a few things that you can expect physically but without a doubt the most change you will notice is in your feelings and moods. For me, within hours of my first anti andro pill (spironolactone) I felt so much more at ease and much less on edge. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like those days in like 7th, 8th or 9th grade when you have that backpack stuffed full of books and folders. You carry it around, it feels like it weighs 50lbs. You've been carrying it from class to class, from home to school, school to home.

The frustrating toil of necessary frustration that one day, because of one tiny little pill, is gone. I could breathe! That first night I think I had the best night of sleep in my life, I was finally at peace. So, if you're like me, that first 24 hrs, you feel the first effect the hormones can have on your mind. I like to call this period of peace and happiness the calm before the storm... And, yes, I say that in a playful manner. But it most certainly is exactly that. Your mind, and by mind I mean emotional cognition will undergo some intense adjustment. You will smell things you've never smelled before, you will feel things you've never felt before and you will cry. Oh, you will cry. But unlike any of the times you've cried before, you will actually enjoy the catharsis. Crying will soon become comforting, it will soon be a way in which you validate you're emotional self. It will feel good to feel the emotions so intensely, the emotions that you may have shrugged off in the past, that when you cry it reminds you that you still care and that you're so happy you do.

For me, when I went through this part of my transition I was so riddled with the most explosive emotions (love, happiness, anger, sadness, confusion, frustration, etc..) that I was afraid to open up and tell people what I was really thinking. So, to save the few friendships I still had, I decided I needed to write. So for almost a year that's all I did, I didn't go out, I didn't party, I wasn't social. I knew that if i really dumped all that I was feeling on any of my beloved friends they would be so overwhelmed by all I had to say that they'd never want to talk to me again! Seriously! So, I decided the best way for me to handle this angst was to write. So for almost a year that's what I did. I'd go get a 10 dollar bottle of wine, turn on some music and just write until I couldn't keep my eyes open. It was amazing. It was and still is exactly what I need to be able to come to terms with what was, is and hopefully will be. To sum up the mental transition... It was the best of times, it was the worst of times... Lol

Now, this is something that just has to be said. HRT will not make you a girl. HRT will not turn you into someone you're not. HRT will help you align physically and mentally. HRT is not some girly panacea, it's serious shit. It will alter you in ways irreversible. Please, just have respect for the process. Take the time needed to know what's right for you, then act accordingly. Just know that if transition is right for you, you have a strong network of brothers and sisters here for you. Just be you, do what's right for you. :)